There is a common misconception that to be solitary or to be alone is to be lonely, sad about it, and discouraged. In truth it is probably more harmful for a person always have someone around them. There is then no time for quiet contemplation or for a chance to work out how you really about any situation or given set of circumstances. And it is important for us to figure out and determine things on our own, to make our own decisions and to know our own minds. Being solitary while dining out or going to a movie or talking a walk also allows us to view the world only through our own filters and not diluted by a companion’s or companions’ feelings and prejudices. Being solitary allows our minds to expand, take in more, pay attention to larger, big picture things and to take in less, pay attention to small, more detailed things. One also anticipate seeing a loved one or loved ones and enjoy ‘coming home’ with a greater appreciation when one has given oneself the gift of alone-time. Unbroken time with others, even your very dearest others can and does begin to pall after a time, rather than allowing that to happen it would be better to plan for your solitary time instead of being driven to it. Doesn’t being on your own for a bit really have some appeal sometimes?
All of us get blue from time to time. That can be fine, as long as we don’t get too caught up in being down that we color everything around us blue as well. Being blue can add a bit of poignancy to our surroundings and cause us to view things in just a bit of a different way. It can bring out some empathy for others and give us a better understanding of why they may act the way they do at time. If we, however, allow ourselves to sink into despondency we pass the point of empathy and understanding and become merely self-centered and self-indulgent as far as using our pain to gain sympathy and favors for ourselves. Instead of allowing wallowing in woe we can allow our feeling blue to show us we are, indeed, a part of humanity and by working out why we’re blue, we can help ourselves up and out of funk, and possibly help others, if not out of a funk, then in other ways. By doing this we can spiral upward rather than downward and learn that blue isn’t always unwelcome and can even thrive in sunshine. Blue should lead upward, not downward, don’t you think?
No matter how much we might like the limelight or how much we might like to hide ourselves from view, there are times when we all must sing, whether we are small or great, and we all must sing solo. When that urge or that need comes upon we can choose to show everything we’ve got to an audience of one to hundreds, or we can lay out our accomplishments alone, only for ourselves. Not all tasks, work, pleasures, or needs must be performed in company. There are many that we and our culture prefer to occur in private, but with many activities it is assumed that one not only will perform them in company, but that prefers to. When this is not the case it is difficult make one’s true wishes known, especially if one is talented in some particular way; the assumption is made that one must want to show that accomplishment off, even given clear evidence to the contrary. If you wish to keep some things private and enjoy giving them to yourself, then that is something that not only must be made clear, but one must follow up that wish with firm opposition to any kind of persuasion being leveled at one. Shouldn’t you be the one in charge of distributing your own gifts?
There are times when we all have a strong urge to move, to find another place to live and work and to join another community. This is fine as far as it goes, however we should never make such a move until we examine our motivations closely. If we move without thinking we learn the lesson that ‘no matter where you go, there you are’ is very true and that a move is not an escape. If you’re having trouble with mood or are frustrated or very sad, these things will not go away even if you do. When moving you must make sure that you are aware of and are willing to part with everything you have now, from physical familiarity, to personal familiarity to ingrained habits. This is not to say the moving is a bad or negative thing, it could be the best thing you ever do. But it must be planned and take place with as complete an idea of what you’re leaving and what you’re going to as possible. Generally, we don’t like surprises, especially completely unexpected and very large ones that we need to adjust ourselves to quickly and without much of a chance to assimilate. With something as large as a complete move planning is the key to success. Though it seems pedestrian, isn’t planning a good way to approach large decisions?
One would like to think that any guest invited into their home would be welcome. Unfortunately that is not always the case. Through a sense of obligation or due to a need or because of circumstances beyond our control we must sometimes invite those in who we would not normally choose to spend time with. Thus it is that much nicer when we can invite those we care for and are interested in into our homes and lives. They are truly welcome and we find comfort and a give-and-take that is beneficial to us all that is absent in those encounters we do not choose freely. The welcome guest also provides much appreciated validation that your home is a comfortable and pleasant place to be, because of the inhabitants and because of the place itself; feeling welcomed is a boon to the guest that can add to both your enjoyment and theirs. Though it isn’t fun and stimulating, your home can be a place to dilute sadness or yours and your guest’s negative or tragic thoughts and feelings.Since these feelings are bound to occur at some time, it is good to have a safe place to express them and your compassionate welcoming and place to air feeling is a wonderful gift to give. Your home should be yours and the people welcomed chosen only by you, no matter how diverse they may be. Shouldn’t you be the one to choose who you welcome, not duty manufactured circumstances?
Not only is it important to keep all your ducks in a row, but it is extremely important to just where they are. If you find yourself in a place where you are whole and contented and at peace, but you don’t know how you got there or how you were motivated to follow a goal there, then no matter how straight and even and beautiful your ducks are, they won’t be of any use to you. Once you’ve gained knowledge and strength, maturity and spiritual peace you must not turn your back on your ducks since without attention and nurturing they may fall out of line or wither and become malnourished. Defining and maintaining pursuit of goals, continuing to be curious and inquisitive, and staying with a spiritual path can all help your ducks grow straight and stay comfortably full. The most important part of duck care and maintenance is to pay attention – without paying attention to your inner ducks it is easy to lose your way on the path to your goals, achievements, and comfort; without orderliness you may find yourself flailing around ineffectively and losing any ground you may have previously gained. Don’t you want to have your ducks in a row?
Sometimes it seems the easiest thing to do is to not do anything, to drift along letting the world take you where it may and to keep your thoughts and emotions battened down. For if you don’t think anything and you don’t feel anything, then nothing can hurt you. That is not quite right – no matter how much we shut ourselves down we will eventually feel something; and if we’ve done nothing to shape our course or to make our opinions heard we will most likely end up in a position or place that do not like, wondering how things got to this point. While at times it is good to stop and drift a while, to recharge and reevaluate, we should be prepared to steer our own course, no matter how battered or primitive our spiritual and physical conveyances are. If we don’t navigate our own course and let others or inertia do it for us we will always feel a niggling dissatisfaction; positive things won’t evoke the joy we anticipate and negative things will become the status quo. None of us deserve a negative status quo, but each one of us bears the responsibility for our own lives, not to drift on the tide of everyone else’s world. Don’t you think drifting would get awfully old after a while?