When you feel you’re in over your head do you do you hide with only your mouth or nose above water, run as fast as you can toward dry ground, or float and tread water until you’ve evaluated the situation, and only then act?
We all, mostly, take for granted that there will separate entrances to women’s and men’s restrooms even if they turn out be co-ed, there are usually separate entrances to wherever an entertainment is taking place for guests and for employees, and there are separate entrances for deliveries and patrons of various establishments. As well, as we know, there have been, and still are, separate entrances for different races and people of different socio-economic backgrounds. People develop a repugnance for and a desire to change the door they are expected to use because of their assigned lower socio-economic status and/or so-called ‘inferior’ race therefore creating or reinforcing the belief that there is a real difference between different types of human beings. Because of the sensed or seen resentment thus dislike of the ‘entitled’ group its members try to become even more entrenched in their coveted positions and arm their defenses for use against the ‘rabble.’ Though there have been many attempts and some successes regarding the equalization of entrances and exits, the attitudes of both groups and many other instances of establishing and maintaining a divide between those with differing education, amounts of money, races, or perceived talent, don’t really change. Wouldn’t working toward accepting that we are all human beings, with no essential differences create an easier path for us to follow instead of bickering and fighting ourselves further apart?
There are a few questions we should ask ourselves if thoughts like the above pass through our minds upon arriving somewhere or entering a place be it the break room at work, a campsite, a room in your own residence. Having thoughts like that make it seem normal to assume us assume we are somehow unattractive, as if we haven’t washed, our clothing or ourselves, are ugly, or close to it, that we are repellant. Or we might feel that we are considered stupid or evil, stuck up or a door mat. We are capable of turning ourselves into quite unsavory characters based only the assumed opinions of others. What we are displaying is a lack of confidence, self-knowledge, or a lack of accurate interpretations, or all three and more. If the opinions of others mean much more to use than our own, we have only added to the problem and to our list of self-esteem and confidence issues. A way to help combat the feelings of rejection and feeling as if we’re not really part of any group is to first consult ourselves about ourselves. Once we feel good about how we look and feel about our appearance, and are satisfied, not terrified about entering a place or arriving somewhere, then we can work on extending those feelings to wherever we go. Don’t you think?
It’s hard to remember that whatever we do, we are affecting something or someone. When we eat a bite of food, or speak to someone we don’t know, or even stand and watch a leaf, a bird, another person, we are affecting things around us and affecting things farther away from us that we have no idea we are affecting. If we are planning to affect someone in a specific way; to give them a gift, help them with a project, ruin their day, we tend to be a bit more aware of the effects of what we are doing because we want everything to happened as we planned and hoped it would go, but even with very careful planning and using foresight we have no way of knowing that the phone would ring precisely the wrong second or that a dear friend happens to appear to rescue the object of our ire. But during our execution of events we may have caused just those things. Planning rarely seems to be completely effective in any circumstance; choosing to accept how events proceed and enjoying the variation made possible by seemingly unconnected acts opens us up the inevitability of the effects we are producing all the time. With this awareness, shouldn’t we be more responsible about our smallest actions?
We’ve all been a situation in which we know we must have some specific thing or we’ll expire. We feel trapped in or surrounded by difficulties and unable to get a real handle on things to enable us to relieve the situation. When we find ourselves restricted like this, we may feel that the only way to retain our feelings of dignity and that matters to someone are to get something, something that has always been a dream for something that is a new dream, perhaps way out. And we may feel that we will do anything to acquire this thing; it has become a beacon to follow, to single mindedly follow so that we don’t have to think about where we are. This narrow, determined focus may actually be hurting us more than helping; when we’re so locked on to a single thing we may miss other opportunities approaching or approachable to the sides or coming up from behind. By continuing to keep our heads turned in only one direction, the chance to interact and consider different paths to freedom is lost and the acquisition of our goal may not help our situation or may feel hollow. Wouldn’t it help us more by broadening our focus to increase our chances of success?
Currents are a constant in our lives whether we think they are only associated with swimming, floating vehicles , and flying vehicles. Currents can be composed of waves of opinion, short surges of emotions, or the constant, strong force carrying you on and through the ups and downs of your life. All currents are strong and cannot be easily swayed; they just keep on going the way they are going. We can take a lesson from that so that we don’t fall under any influence we haven’t chosen for ourselves. A good way to check for these currents is to look at what ‘everyone’ is doing or are saying they believe. If we unthinkingly start using the new catchphrase, listening to the newest music, considering the most favored career we might want to ask ourselves why we are doing so. Have we truly thought about the music we put in our heads? Or listened to what is coming out of our mouths? Or taken the pluses and minuses of that career that will take us to the top and sounds good too? Generally we drift along with a group of others along on a solitary path, neither of which imply any disconnectedness, never thinking that we’re not thinking for ourselves. Why?
Sometimes we feel left behind, that others are moving along ahead of us; that they now know more, are more oriented and having more fun. That they are satisfied and that we are not and don’t know how become satisfied. We may set ourselves apart even more by becoming distant or avoiding contact with those closest to us and thus confusing both. Speaking up about how we feel lost in everyone’s wake or disconnected from everything familiar because it is all changing can clarify the issues in our minds, but we have to be willing to accept that we cannot live in a static world because our world is not static; it is dynamic and we must at least watch and follow along or we will likely feel disconnected and left a step behind until we become dynamic ourselves. This is not to say that we are not left behind occasionally, sometimes being left behind is inevitable we all die; what we must remember about that is that we, in our turn, will be leaving others behind. Sometimes it is best in any kind of relationship to leave each other behind if beliefs and goals changed or rates or directions of growth have diverged. It could be that being left behind or leaving another behind would be the best thing that could happen now, don’t you think?