Sometimes we feel left behind, that others are moving along ahead of us; that they now know more, are more oriented and having more fun. That they are satisfied and that we are not and don’t know how become satisfied. We may set ourselves apart even more by becoming distant or avoiding contact with those closest to us and thus confusing both. Speaking up about how we feel lost in everyone’s wake or disconnected from everything familiar because it is all changing can clarify the issues in our minds, but we have to be willing to accept that we cannot live in a static world because our world is not static; it is dynamic and we must at least watch and follow along or we will likely feel disconnected and left a step behind until we become dynamic ourselves. This is not to say that we are not left behind occasionally, sometimes being left behind is inevitable we all die; what we must remember about that is that we, in our turn, will be leaving others behind. Sometimes it is best in any kind of relationship to leave each other behind if beliefs and goals changed or rates or directions of growth have diverged. It could be that being left behind or leaving another behind would be the best thing that could happen now, don’t you think?
There are times in most of our lives when we feel as if we’re the only one to feel exuberant, our friends seem lukewarm at best about our mood; or we feel that we are alone in feeling down and that our friends are having fun and ignoring us as if we didn’t exist; or we feel so alone and misunderstood that the whole world looks out of focus and off-color. We are disconnected. And when we are disconnected from others and the world around us we easily become disconnected from ourselves. Oddly enough one of the best things we can do when we finally recognize that these symptoms are actually coming from ourselves and that others are not just acting strangely is to take some time to be alone, to take out and look at our feelings and emotions to find what is missing or recognize what we are carrying around that is too much for us. If we take care to be thorough and honest we can plan a long and lasting strategy to keep disconnectedness at bay. For humans are social creatures and must maintain a sense of community, large or small, to feel whole. Acting to dissipate and resolve the sense of being disconnected is better than crawling down a hole to escape it, isn’t it?
Feeling fogged in a good excuse to stop the struggle and nestle in for a good round of comfort food for thought and for stomach that can lead to an even foggier brain and foggy initiative. There is a time for this kind of activity, or non-activity, and we should take advantage of it when we can since it seldom comes around… guilt-free anyway. The luxury of not having to think and plan for any length of time can be quite rejuvenating and can lead to new ideas and a fresh perspective on may things. On the other hand, some feel trapped and helpless when the fog rolls in and it’s hard to see and damp and uncomfortable to move around. A good meal and the comfort of coziness do them no good; they must penetrate the fog, find its purpose, and discover a way to disperse it. Both points of view have their value, both involve in acceptance of the fact of the fog, or rejection of it, but both recognize that fog will present at one time or another and have developed their own strategies for dealing the fog’s inevitable, but not constant presence and have plans to keep their minds clear and in working order. When we become befogged isn’t better to at least have a hint at how we will react?
There is a line that can be drawn between leery and suspicious; it is a hair thin line and whether you are the one leery or suspicious of something or whether you’re the object of leeriness or suspicion, really makes no difference. When one is leery of something or someone one is still likely to wait to make a judgment until they have been satisfied one way or another about their feeling. When one is suspicious of someone or something one is more likely to make quick or premature judgments. Both feelings and the actions and reactions associated with them cautionary and defensive, endeavoring to secure personal and familial safety, but there is a time and a place for each one, they should not overlap. If you’re leery of something you haven’t eaten before, a new food, you probably wouldn’t leap from the table, grab the food, and throw it away; you might examine it and ask for its attributes, you may finally even eat it. If you’re suspicious that the kid down the block may be pilfering from your garage, you probably wouldn’t think about calling his parents and promise yourself that you’ll start locking the garage door from now on. Feelings of leeriness or suspicion should be listened to and evaluated to determine appropriate behavior, don’t you think?
It’s nice to think that having an entourage to see to your every need and whim and fulfill your wish for admiration at any time of the night or day will cause you to feel better about yourself, but that’s most likely not true. You may want to think that having others nearby at all times or on call just minutes away shows that you are important and powerful, but that’s not likely to be true either. Just like you, most members of a cortege are out for number one and if you can be used as a stepping stone they’ll do so, even if you really are powerful. The people who make up your following may not even like you, much less adore you and hang upon your every word; and you probably don’t really like or respect your entourage either. An important thing to remember when one finds oneself famous, powerful, or wealthy is that you don’t have to accept all the trappings of the rich and famous, you can keep your own respect and that of others by taking charge of and making your own choices about how you will be living your life. And you can make it clear that that is what you expect from anyone seeking nothing more than friendship from you. Isn’t it better to keep your private self for yourself, than to lose it to a public vision of you?
It can be fun and funny, workable and working to be part of a group of three and there can be much learned and much laughed at together whether the group is composed of mixed genders, mixed ages, or mixed cultures. However a group of three can also be one of the most awkward of groups to be included in for many reasons whether there is one separated from the others due to closer bonding of any kind between the pair, one of the pair feeling uncomfortable about the one excluded, or all three knowing that the time to part has passed, but no one has taken the steps to separate. It would be best and foster the least discomfort if even one of the group could acknowledge the uncomfortable feelings in themselves and take action to prevent their furtherance; this doesn’t mean that one should necessarily confront the others with their feelings, just that they recognize that it’s time to move on to other things and to suggest making plans for another time. This is not as easy as it sounds due to fact that people generally like to be part of a group and to feel wanted and needed in that group. But is also no accident that one of our most common clichés is “there’s a time and a place for everything.” Wouldn’t you rather be in a comfortable place than an awkward one?
Though we may have family we’re close to and best friends we haven’t been separated from in years or a community we’ve felt accepted by and loved for as long as we’ve been a part of it, we may come to a time where there is a juncture in our roads, a parting of the ways, between us that may be necessary, or even desirable, even though we may not see it that way as the divergence takes place. Because, again we may not like to think so, change is constant even the most stable-appearing environments. We wouldn’t want it any other way really, we wouldn’t want the places we live and work to become stultifying and stagnant or to become lost in a backwater of mind and thought as well as environment; to allow such apathy to descend is no service to oneself, but rather a ticket to lack of control of your own life and ultimately no control or authority of your own thoughts. To avoid such pitfalls or to explore or to choose to grow striking off in a direction you are completely comfortable with but are interested in or drawn to can be a fine adventure and lead to treasures of many kinds. Though sometimes frightening, wouldn’t you rather explore than physically or mentally expire?